Creative mindset

There’s a moment that many artists don’t talk about.

You sit down to paint.
You begin with openness, maybe even excitement.
And then something shifts.

The painting doesn’t go the way you imagined.
The colors don’t sit right.
The composition feels off.
It starts to look… wrong.

If you’ve been following my work for a while, you’ve mostly seen my hands — painting, layering, stitching, building pages.

But not so much my face or me talking about myself.

This conversation with Kate for the Making Zen retreat is one of those rare spaces where I sat down and shared my journey openly — not just what I do, but how I think, how I arrived here, and what truly shifted things for me.

Over the last few months, I’ve been noticing something about myself.

My mind has a habit.
It goes straight to the problem.

Not slowly. Not occasionally.
Automatically.

Something doesn’t work → I start thinking why it’s not working.
What’s wrong.
What’s missing.
What I don’t have.

There’s this teaching by Nicholas Wilton I deeply resonate with — the idea that vibrant, authentic art doesn’t come from working harder or mastering more techniques. It comes from feeling more alive.

That truth feels beautiful to me.

And complicated.

Because what happens when you were trained, for most of your life, not to feel what you like?

Have you ever noticed that when you give your mind one clear problem to solve, it somehow finds a way to do it?
That’s not magic — that’s how the mind naturally works.

When our attention is scattered across too many ideas, goals, and worries, we start feeling confused, anxious, and stuck. But when we focus on one direction, everything starts to move in that direction — quietly, steadily, and sometimes, even effortlessly.

In a world that often prizes perfection, the concept of creating intentionally “ugly” paintings may seem counterintuitive. However, this practice can offer profound insights into accepting imperfection and embracing the natural flow of life. My journey with creating “bad” paintings has led to valuable lessons about letting go of control, understanding the essence of acceptance, and finding joy in the process rather than the outcome. In this blog, I’ll explore how this exercise has transformed my perspective on art and life, helping me to navigate the messiness of both with a newfound sense of ease and freedom.

1. That strange guilt of doing nothing
Have you ever felt guilty for resting?
Especially when you’re not feeling well — physically tired, mentally foggy — and your body needs rest… but your mind won’t stop whispering:

“You should be doing something.”
“So much to do — and here you are lying down.”
“You’re wasting time.”

Healing the Shame Beneath the Need to Prove Yourself A Truth I Can No Longer Ignore I’ve lived a life that looks impressive from the outside. I worked in the IT industry for ten years.I travelled to over 25 countries.I quit my corporate job to follow my passion and build an art business from scratch.And yet — no